So what do you do when you have a responsibility to move motorcycles and spotlights and other items off the property having been in contempt of court for many months because you've not done so? Or that you haven't done the taxes and other paperwork that is long overdue?
Why go on vacation why not?!
Well that's what I'm faced with. Instead of getting this crap off my property, he up and leaves on vacation. I need to get a mortgage, which means an appraisal needs to get done. With all of this junk sitting on the property it's really hurting the appearance and will effect my appraisal. He knows this and does nothing.
I have been more than understanding not filing contempt of court charges on him which would put his ass in jail and he'd also have to pay fines to the court. I hope he doesn't force my hand to do so in order to get this done.
He still isn't working, while at my place he was eyeing a small piece of copper pipe that was on the ground asking if he could have it so that he could make some wind chimes to make some money. Hell, I'm planning on turning that stuff in for scrap metal.
Again, what entire bullshit, I felt like I had to pick him up and dust him off again. Telling him that he's a college educated man and that he better get a job with medical insurance. He can work anywhere, get a job and then get an apartment close to his workplace, move his shit from the storage facility to his apartment and move on. But that would make too much sense, much easier to just up and leave on vacation. If he doesn't get a job with medical insurance he will be in danger of losing his financial future for the kids if he ever gets really hurt. But he's not thinking about any of it.
He was telling me how sorry he is that he hurt me, blah blah blah. This he learned only after his soulmate kicked his ass out. The timing is just too much of a stretch here. While explaining how sorry he is, his posturing striking his chest telling me how it hurts here. Show me with actions of getting the junk off the property, and getting the paperwork done, not words. What entire bullshit. He tells me he's seeing a psychiatrist now, but all he seems to have been doing is ruining my relationship with my neighbors. I heard from one of my neighbors info that only he could have perpetrated. Also telling one neighbor that I hate him, how absurd, even worse if my neighbor believes him. He just wants more empathy. Get off your ass and deal, and move your shit off my property.
Oh and get this, he talked a friend into asking me if he could use one of the rooms downstairs to store his shit and he'd pay me for it. Since I needed money. Unfuckingbelievable. The only reason I need money is that I have to pay his ass so much, and he wants to store his shit in my house? Get a grip here, get your stuff out of my life and let's make a clean split here. Yeah he has no money so he goes on yet another vacation, I wish his counselor would wake up and smell the coffee.
Monday, July 24, 2006
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Pansies
Sunday, June 25, 2006
Reins
With all of the drama going on with L**, drinking, depression, desperation, everyone being pissed at him, his soulmate having kicked his ass out, his stuff thrown into a storage place, no where to stay, no real job, still in the diversion program, drug testing etc etc.
He needs to do some real soul searching. For him to be feeling sorry for himself is understandable, but don't drag it out. Recognize it and deal.
I recognize that he needs rescuing again. I can't do this, so I have notified his sister and let her know what's been happening to the best of my knowledge. I am transferring 'the reins' to her / his family to watch over him now. I have been covering for him probably being the worst enabler for years. But also rescued him repeatedly. His anxiety attacks were pretty trippy alone.
It would be nice to think he would actually figure his shit out for himself.
Everyone must remember how he has always been good at manipulation and the telling of half truths twisting the real truth. To everyone, beware.
He needs to do some real soul searching. For him to be feeling sorry for himself is understandable, but don't drag it out. Recognize it and deal.
I recognize that he needs rescuing again. I can't do this, so I have notified his sister and let her know what's been happening to the best of my knowledge. I am transferring 'the reins' to her / his family to watch over him now. I have been covering for him probably being the worst enabler for years. But also rescued him repeatedly. His anxiety attacks were pretty trippy alone.
It would be nice to think he would actually figure his shit out for himself.
Everyone must remember how he has always been good at manipulation and the telling of half truths twisting the real truth. To everyone, beware.
Bud
Today was/is my dad's birthday when he was alive. To me it's still his 'day', and I always find myself thinking about him. [ Pictures to be added later, I'm not at home now.]
When Bud was a young man growing up in Tennessee, with his mom and brothers Emerald and Selwyn, and sister Georgia, his father (my grandfather) left his mother(my grandmother). So Bud (Jamie) being the oldest son (Aunt Georgia was the oldest),found himself supporting his mother and family growing up faster than most I guess.
Bud used to work in a lumber mill working very hard, working in very labor intensive type jobs. I remember seeing pictures of him as a young guy, pretty damn good looking if you ask me. It's as though he 'worked out' all of the time in his work ;)
Buddy was a great story teller. I grew up with such wonderful stories of the crank, a big gigantic bird that preyed on little children and was always associated with kids having to walk through a dense forest and be confronted with this crank in different type situations. Or the pink and blue pills that made you invisible and you could carry big watermelons out of stores without detection. I can still picture the watermelons floating in thin air as he had described them as being seen by the folks around us. His imagination was incredible, and he was very witty and quick thinking. I was surprised a bit learning how some friends were only read to, I was so very lucky to have my dad make up stuff from his incredible imagination and it went in so many directions without boundary's.
While waiting for mom to do her shopping in the grocery store, we'd wait for her out in the car, and he would test us with our vision. He was like a hawk. He would ask us to read something very far away or test us in looking at something very far away, he could see it very clearly, his vision was tremendous.
My dad however was very superstitious. I wonder if this is something ingrained in you if you ever live in the south. When we would be stopped at a railroad crossing, he wouldn't let me count the railroad cars, telling me it was bad luck, and he was serious.
He also drove taxi in SF for 25 years, he chain smoked but quit when the surgeon general came out with the dangers of smoking. He quit cold turkey. As a kid in school, all of the Father's Day presents that the teacher would help us make were ash trays and stuff and I couldn't make those. While driving taxi, he would take me on all of the fun steep streets of San Fran and it was as though he was taking me on an amusement ride. I still remember being thrown out of my seat giggling with laughter. No seat belts back then. When I was learning how to drive, he made me have to pass 'his' test before I could drive. At the time, I hated it, but now am very happy, as I basically learned defensive driving to the max. Knowing how to pull trailers etc.
I also remember hanging out with my dad while he'd take the car in to be serviced. I would stay in the car while it was pumped up into the air so they could work under neath it. Can't do that anymore, but what fun times. I would peer out over the whole garage seeing stuff from that perspective that only I could see. In alot of ways it was like being in my tree house.
He was excellent at shooting and bow and arrow. He was expert in shooting, and he would compete with a hunting bow with others that used precision bows and he would win many competitions. I was there and he would hoist me up on his shoulders. Bud made me very proud. Bud taught me all the techniques of proper stance et all with the bow, and I got to be pretty good too. Bud also showed me how to fill bullet shells, and we would spend hours doing this. He had quite the collection of guns and rifles, but in later life he started whittling on them which was sad to see. While he was in his right mind, he did seem to lose some of his sharpness in later years. My dad was a very strong, big guy that people listened to. He was also a very honest man with integrity. A handshake of agreement actually meant something back in those days. Taking someone at their word. How I wish he were still alive to know his grandchildren, he'd be so very proud of them as well, and they him.
We lived in San Francisco for many years, where my dad worked in security of some sort patrolling the Golden Gate Bridge. I do think this was when he was in the Merchant Marines.
Later we lived on a ranch and we had horses and cattle. I loved it during my teen years and grew up loving animals. I was given the choice of helping inside with dishes and other inside chores, or to help Bud work outside fixing fence and feeding the horses, goats, cattle and chickens. It was a real working ranch in many ways. Well that was an easy choice for me. I would spend hours outside with my dad and the animals. A very special time in my life.
Buddy was in the service, I was a little girl when many of the stories related to this time were told, so don't remember alot of his war stories. I do enjoy looking through his scrap books of pictures of his medals and with him in uniform, with his buddies. He was in Korea, the Philippines and was stationed up in Alaska for a time. He was in the Navy and later in the Merchant Marines, do they exist anymore? When he was stationed in Alaska, he would cut records that he made while playing in bars passing the hat, telling his mom how he and the boys were having a great time and not to worry, and sing and play a song. I have these records and want to copy them. He wanted to join the service again after leaving the service but they said he was too old. My dad was always a strong determined person, hard on the outside, by that I mean he scared the shit out of alot of folks, me included in some ways. But he had a soft heart and was very gentle and loving to his family. I look at his journals, poems and photo albums of him with his friends and try to imagine what it was like for him.
My dad was very talented with playing the mandolin, and a few other instruments. What was sad is that we only have a few recordings of his playing during his prime, (I need to get them copied), but most of his recordings, are when he lost his hearing, and his playing really deteriorated. Bud was also very artistic. He would draw cartoon characters on duffel bags for guys in the service and did cartooning for fun. I remember how he drew a big Indian with a tomahawk in the bedroom full size coming right at you. He also loved puzzles, especially cryptoquotes, a deciphering game kind of.
I miss him dearly, but often think of him. Most of my memories with him was when I was a little girl, as he started slowing down when I was an adult. How I wish I could have enjoyed a beer with him and talked of real substance type topics.
While I have many good memories, there were also some bad ones too. I have forgiven him for those times, and have moved on. All families have this, the good with the bad, get over it, and I have.
I don't remember him ever being afraid of anything except....Spiders. Ha ha. When he was a very old guy already retired for several years, he whipped off the covers while in bed having felt/finding a spider had crawled across his legs and freaked out. For a long time after he spent telling us how big the spider was. The spider kept getting bigger with every retelling, ;) Other than that nothing scared him.
Here's to you Buddy.....I love you
When Bud was a young man growing up in Tennessee, with his mom and brothers Emerald and Selwyn, and sister Georgia, his father (my grandfather) left his mother(my grandmother). So Bud (Jamie) being the oldest son (Aunt Georgia was the oldest),found himself supporting his mother and family growing up faster than most I guess.
Bud used to work in a lumber mill working very hard, working in very labor intensive type jobs. I remember seeing pictures of him as a young guy, pretty damn good looking if you ask me. It's as though he 'worked out' all of the time in his work ;)
Buddy was a great story teller. I grew up with such wonderful stories of the crank, a big gigantic bird that preyed on little children and was always associated with kids having to walk through a dense forest and be confronted with this crank in different type situations. Or the pink and blue pills that made you invisible and you could carry big watermelons out of stores without detection. I can still picture the watermelons floating in thin air as he had described them as being seen by the folks around us. His imagination was incredible, and he was very witty and quick thinking. I was surprised a bit learning how some friends were only read to, I was so very lucky to have my dad make up stuff from his incredible imagination and it went in so many directions without boundary's.
While waiting for mom to do her shopping in the grocery store, we'd wait for her out in the car, and he would test us with our vision. He was like a hawk. He would ask us to read something very far away or test us in looking at something very far away, he could see it very clearly, his vision was tremendous.
My dad however was very superstitious. I wonder if this is something ingrained in you if you ever live in the south. When we would be stopped at a railroad crossing, he wouldn't let me count the railroad cars, telling me it was bad luck, and he was serious.
He also drove taxi in SF for 25 years, he chain smoked but quit when the surgeon general came out with the dangers of smoking. He quit cold turkey. As a kid in school, all of the Father's Day presents that the teacher would help us make were ash trays and stuff and I couldn't make those. While driving taxi, he would take me on all of the fun steep streets of San Fran and it was as though he was taking me on an amusement ride. I still remember being thrown out of my seat giggling with laughter. No seat belts back then. When I was learning how to drive, he made me have to pass 'his' test before I could drive. At the time, I hated it, but now am very happy, as I basically learned defensive driving to the max. Knowing how to pull trailers etc.
I also remember hanging out with my dad while he'd take the car in to be serviced. I would stay in the car while it was pumped up into the air so they could work under neath it. Can't do that anymore, but what fun times. I would peer out over the whole garage seeing stuff from that perspective that only I could see. In alot of ways it was like being in my tree house.
He was excellent at shooting and bow and arrow. He was expert in shooting, and he would compete with a hunting bow with others that used precision bows and he would win many competitions. I was there and he would hoist me up on his shoulders. Bud made me very proud. Bud taught me all the techniques of proper stance et all with the bow, and I got to be pretty good too. Bud also showed me how to fill bullet shells, and we would spend hours doing this. He had quite the collection of guns and rifles, but in later life he started whittling on them which was sad to see. While he was in his right mind, he did seem to lose some of his sharpness in later years. My dad was a very strong, big guy that people listened to. He was also a very honest man with integrity. A handshake of agreement actually meant something back in those days. Taking someone at their word. How I wish he were still alive to know his grandchildren, he'd be so very proud of them as well, and they him.
We lived in San Francisco for many years, where my dad worked in security of some sort patrolling the Golden Gate Bridge. I do think this was when he was in the Merchant Marines.
Later we lived on a ranch and we had horses and cattle. I loved it during my teen years and grew up loving animals. I was given the choice of helping inside with dishes and other inside chores, or to help Bud work outside fixing fence and feeding the horses, goats, cattle and chickens. It was a real working ranch in many ways. Well that was an easy choice for me. I would spend hours outside with my dad and the animals. A very special time in my life.
Buddy was in the service, I was a little girl when many of the stories related to this time were told, so don't remember alot of his war stories. I do enjoy looking through his scrap books of pictures of his medals and with him in uniform, with his buddies. He was in Korea, the Philippines and was stationed up in Alaska for a time. He was in the Navy and later in the Merchant Marines, do they exist anymore? When he was stationed in Alaska, he would cut records that he made while playing in bars passing the hat, telling his mom how he and the boys were having a great time and not to worry, and sing and play a song. I have these records and want to copy them. He wanted to join the service again after leaving the service but they said he was too old. My dad was always a strong determined person, hard on the outside, by that I mean he scared the shit out of alot of folks, me included in some ways. But he had a soft heart and was very gentle and loving to his family. I look at his journals, poems and photo albums of him with his friends and try to imagine what it was like for him.
My dad was very talented with playing the mandolin, and a few other instruments. What was sad is that we only have a few recordings of his playing during his prime, (I need to get them copied), but most of his recordings, are when he lost his hearing, and his playing really deteriorated. Bud was also very artistic. He would draw cartoon characters on duffel bags for guys in the service and did cartooning for fun. I remember how he drew a big Indian with a tomahawk in the bedroom full size coming right at you. He also loved puzzles, especially cryptoquotes, a deciphering game kind of.
I miss him dearly, but often think of him. Most of my memories with him was when I was a little girl, as he started slowing down when I was an adult. How I wish I could have enjoyed a beer with him and talked of real substance type topics.
While I have many good memories, there were also some bad ones too. I have forgiven him for those times, and have moved on. All families have this, the good with the bad, get over it, and I have.
I don't remember him ever being afraid of anything except....Spiders. Ha ha. When he was a very old guy already retired for several years, he whipped off the covers while in bed having felt/finding a spider had crawled across his legs and freaked out. For a long time after he spent telling us how big the spider was. The spider kept getting bigger with every retelling, ;) Other than that nothing scared him.
Here's to you Buddy.....I love you
Dixie Chicks
While I don't agree with much of their politics, I heard their recent song and it kind of fits my perspective. I know what their intention was but using my perspective and putting the right emphasis from who in place here it fits;
'Can't Make Nice Now'.
"Forgive sounds good
Forget, I'm not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I'm still waiting
I'm through with doubt
There's nothing left for me to figure out
I've paid a price
And I'll keep paying
I'm not ready to make nice
I'm not ready to back down
I'm still mad as hell and
I don't have time to go around and around and around
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
'Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is you think I should
I know you said
Can't you just get over it
It turned my whole world around
And I kind of like it".
The Dixie Chicks.
In the back of one of their videos was the statement;
'Talking without thinking is like shooting without aiming'.
How true that is.
'Can't Make Nice Now'.
"Forgive sounds good
Forget, I'm not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I'm still waiting
I'm through with doubt
There's nothing left for me to figure out
I've paid a price
And I'll keep paying
I'm not ready to make nice
I'm not ready to back down
I'm still mad as hell and
I don't have time to go around and around and around
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
'Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is you think I should
I know you said
Can't you just get over it
It turned my whole world around
And I kind of like it".
The Dixie Chicks.
In the back of one of their videos was the statement;
'Talking without thinking is like shooting without aiming'.
How true that is.
Sunday, June 18, 2006
There Is No "WE"
There is no "we'.
"We" don't need to talk, I've learned all I need to know. I am done. As I've said earlier, I don't need your drama. Interesting your timing, that only after your soulmate kicks your ass out do you want to talk.
You do however need to mail me the taxes, sign the quit deed correctly, sign the title correction paper, and get the pile of motorcycle parts and spotlights off the property. You have been in contempt of court for a very long time.
Besides coming to the property to remove these items, I don't want your sorry ass anywhere around me. Stay away from me. For all of the years I stood by you, took care of you, loved you, shared with you. For you to fuck around on me all throughout our marriage, lie to me constantly while looking me right in the face, you are not the person I thought you were. I don't know who you are, except that I know you aren't the caliber person that I would want to have anything to do with.
How dare you do this routine with me. I can see right through you. Leave me alone, and stay far away from me.
Hell, move back to New York, there is nothing holding you back here except for transferring your drug rehab program.
"We" don't need to talk, I've learned all I need to know. I am done. As I've said earlier, I don't need your drama. Interesting your timing, that only after your soulmate kicks your ass out do you want to talk.
You do however need to mail me the taxes, sign the quit deed correctly, sign the title correction paper, and get the pile of motorcycle parts and spotlights off the property. You have been in contempt of court for a very long time.
Besides coming to the property to remove these items, I don't want your sorry ass anywhere around me. Stay away from me. For all of the years I stood by you, took care of you, loved you, shared with you. For you to fuck around on me all throughout our marriage, lie to me constantly while looking me right in the face, you are not the person I thought you were. I don't know who you are, except that I know you aren't the caliber person that I would want to have anything to do with.
How dare you do this routine with me. I can see right through you. Leave me alone, and stay far away from me.
Hell, move back to New York, there is nothing holding you back here except for transferring your drug rehab program.
Monday, June 12, 2006
Gold Diggers
Gold diggers are an interesting breed, and that's putting it mildly.
It's sickening how some folks seem to be oblivious to being "had". That they think or want to feel that they are actually being loved and/or cared about. To falsely be made to think that the other person actually cares for them, that the fact that they will be coming into a great deal of money has nothing to do with it. Yeah right. But instead are being fed a line of shit.
To then be taken advantage of emotionally probably, but taken advantage of financially in that it will effect my kids just kills me.
Wake up and smell the coffee. Sigh. While you may feel you are "soul mates" or so "in love", it's not a stretch to think that the other person only is sticking around because of your "money potential". Especially while knowing that she has known from the very beginning. She knew your cousin 15 years ago and that the family had money back then, don't fool yourself. Take a step back and really look at what her attraction is to you, regardless of your feelings toward her.
A pre nuptual only takes care of the money you bring into a marriage, not if you get money and wealth dropped into your lap after you're married. And that's even if you get a prenuptual. Is it possible for you to consider creating some type of will and or testament to ensure that the kids get their share, rather than seeing it disappear being taken by this gold digger? The kids and most other folks see this very clearly, it seems everyone but you.
To see how in less than a year, this person has gotten her grip around your financial future and stands to get alot of money just kills me. To think of how she ended up with such a big house and all the trimmings from her probable break up a few years back, and learn how her business is done, at least online, and now how she is suing a local business to try and get money, you are out of your mind.
I would like to think you haven't lost all of your marbles, please look at securing your children's financial future by getting something legally set up to protect them and their inheritance. You seem to have been choosing her over your own children. Really look at why your kids have been upset with the way you've been acting/thinking. Your children want to love you (I believe), but you need to snap out of this if you want to have any relationship with them. I'm out of the loop, I'm truly just looking out for the kids future.
Hey it may be a way to also see if this gold digger sticks around to just be with you. Take this challenge, I hope you have the guts to actually look into this.
It's sickening how some folks seem to be oblivious to being "had". That they think or want to feel that they are actually being loved and/or cared about. To falsely be made to think that the other person actually cares for them, that the fact that they will be coming into a great deal of money has nothing to do with it. Yeah right. But instead are being fed a line of shit.
To then be taken advantage of emotionally probably, but taken advantage of financially in that it will effect my kids just kills me.
Wake up and smell the coffee. Sigh. While you may feel you are "soul mates" or so "in love", it's not a stretch to think that the other person only is sticking around because of your "money potential". Especially while knowing that she has known from the very beginning. She knew your cousin 15 years ago and that the family had money back then, don't fool yourself. Take a step back and really look at what her attraction is to you, regardless of your feelings toward her.
A pre nuptual only takes care of the money you bring into a marriage, not if you get money and wealth dropped into your lap after you're married. And that's even if you get a prenuptual. Is it possible for you to consider creating some type of will and or testament to ensure that the kids get their share, rather than seeing it disappear being taken by this gold digger? The kids and most other folks see this very clearly, it seems everyone but you.
To see how in less than a year, this person has gotten her grip around your financial future and stands to get alot of money just kills me. To think of how she ended up with such a big house and all the trimmings from her probable break up a few years back, and learn how her business is done, at least online, and now how she is suing a local business to try and get money, you are out of your mind.
I would like to think you haven't lost all of your marbles, please look at securing your children's financial future by getting something legally set up to protect them and their inheritance. You seem to have been choosing her over your own children. Really look at why your kids have been upset with the way you've been acting/thinking. Your children want to love you (I believe), but you need to snap out of this if you want to have any relationship with them. I'm out of the loop, I'm truly just looking out for the kids future.
Hey it may be a way to also see if this gold digger sticks around to just be with you. Take this challenge, I hope you have the guts to actually look into this.
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Riding Shot Gun Duties
While driving out to Kansas City approximately a 12 hour drive one way, it's always better to have the cops in front of you rather than behind you.With a radar detector, and having my daughter riding shotgun with binoculars in hand on the prowl for cops what a system.Construction, accidents, and holiday traffic made for a long drive, but being with my daughter made it pleasurable. A wonderful navigator and DJ. Gas was 20 cents cheaper on the road than what it costs in Colorado, really, that was a nice surprise.
We drove out for a Bar Mitzvah, what a wonderful time seeing all of the family. There were however several accidents and sad events that occured. One cousin ended up in the hospital on antibiotics and missed the Bar Mitzvah entirely, another hurt his knee, in the same immediate family I might add, and another's father had a heart attack. My mother in law was still grieving having just lost her husband a few weeks ago. Seeing her the morning that she was to fly back was very hard. She told me of her fears of going home to an empty house. My sister in law lives very close and I thank God for her and her husband. It still will be hard getting through these next few months.
While out there, I got some good pictures, so I will be busy organizing them and sharing them with everyone getting them sent out in the mail.
Monday, May 22, 2006
To Not Feel Anything
At times I would like to think that I could be forgiving....
But some things are just unforgivable. Lies, deceit, affairs etc etc. Folks tell me that I need to forgive to get through these feelings of anger. But I've come to the realization that I'm starting to not feel anything at all towards him. He seems to have told others untrue stories of how things happened, big surprise there, and if that's his way of dealing with it, it only makes me sad that some folks actually believe his shit. In the past he has acted so horrible towards me, and now while others watch he is sooo nice, saying things like, have a nice trip, making it look like he still cares, what bullshit. And even if he truly feels that he does care, fuck him, it doesn't make up for all the crap that he shoveled my way for our whole marriage.
Karma has already got his bitch girlfriend in that she broke her foot. And again he's trying to get something out of it looking into suing the restaurant. Sigh. He'll be getting his payback for his crap all too soon. Knowing this has been more than comforting.
Seeing this lying sack of shit while back in New York he seems to have been more focused in getting "stuff", rather than concerning himself with how his mother will be in the absence of her husband. Knowing that his dad drove a lexus with all the bells and whistles, making sure that his mom knows that he doesn't have a car several times twice that I heard him say. I felt like telling her how he fell asleep at the wheel and crashed several cars and only just got back his drivers license from the diversion program. It is so phony to watch him act like he cares, it drove me nuts to watch his bullshit, but I digress. He's showing himself to be a gold digger instead of a caring son, just very sad. Hopefully he will figure it out in his lifetime, but I have some serious doubts as he can be an arrogant asshole.
But some things are just unforgivable. Lies, deceit, affairs etc etc. Folks tell me that I need to forgive to get through these feelings of anger. But I've come to the realization that I'm starting to not feel anything at all towards him. He seems to have told others untrue stories of how things happened, big surprise there, and if that's his way of dealing with it, it only makes me sad that some folks actually believe his shit. In the past he has acted so horrible towards me, and now while others watch he is sooo nice, saying things like, have a nice trip, making it look like he still cares, what bullshit. And even if he truly feels that he does care, fuck him, it doesn't make up for all the crap that he shoveled my way for our whole marriage.
Karma has already got his bitch girlfriend in that she broke her foot. And again he's trying to get something out of it looking into suing the restaurant. Sigh. He'll be getting his payback for his crap all too soon. Knowing this has been more than comforting.
Seeing this lying sack of shit while back in New York he seems to have been more focused in getting "stuff", rather than concerning himself with how his mother will be in the absence of her husband. Knowing that his dad drove a lexus with all the bells and whistles, making sure that his mom knows that he doesn't have a car several times twice that I heard him say. I felt like telling her how he fell asleep at the wheel and crashed several cars and only just got back his drivers license from the diversion program. It is so phony to watch him act like he cares, it drove me nuts to watch his bullshit, but I digress. He's showing himself to be a gold digger instead of a caring son, just very sad. Hopefully he will figure it out in his lifetime, but I have some serious doubts as he can be an arrogant asshole.
Life Goes On....
I just got back from New York having attended my father in law's funeral. He was a wonderful man, and we had such a good visit while he was out here for the graduation. It's hard to believe that he's really gone. He will really be missed.
He had a massive heart attack aggitated by pneumonia from a virus that he may have caught while on the plane, we'll never know.
I'm very glad that we had his 80th birthday party last January with all the family together, and then this recent family gathering with my daughter's graduation.
His wife now alone, I hope she gets stronger and learns to manage on her own. My son told me that he felt grandma would be strong just how I was. While back in New York, seeing how supportive members from her congregation were, it's as though she has a second family that will be looking in on her taking care that she has everything that she may need.
While I'm divorcing my husband, I'm not divorcing the family, I love these folks and want to continue a relationship with them. We've been family for more than 25 years. I'm looking forward to a Bar Mitzvah next weekend in Kansas City that will be a very fun time. My daughter and I will be driving out and will have a good time being together on the road trip. My son will be flying out for the weekend, so we truly will all be together.
He had a massive heart attack aggitated by pneumonia from a virus that he may have caught while on the plane, we'll never know.
I'm very glad that we had his 80th birthday party last January with all the family together, and then this recent family gathering with my daughter's graduation.
His wife now alone, I hope she gets stronger and learns to manage on her own. My son told me that he felt grandma would be strong just how I was. While back in New York, seeing how supportive members from her congregation were, it's as though she has a second family that will be looking in on her taking care that she has everything that she may need.
While I'm divorcing my husband, I'm not divorcing the family, I love these folks and want to continue a relationship with them. We've been family for more than 25 years. I'm looking forward to a Bar Mitzvah next weekend in Kansas City that will be a very fun time. My daughter and I will be driving out and will have a good time being together on the road trip. My son will be flying out for the weekend, so we truly will all be together.
Sunday, May 14, 2006
Can You Hear Me Now?
I just got a phone call for Mother's Day from my son. What makes this all the more special, is that it was made from a submarine! I love you too honey, thanks for thinking of me. :)
Shine Shine Shine
What a fabulous week. My daughter just had her 4 graduation ceremonies this past week, and family and friends came from out of town and locally to help her celebrate this wonderful achievement.
BOOYA!
She had her more personal graduation commencement exercises from Music, Fine Arts and Japanese, plus the graduation for all of the graduating seniors at Folsom Field.
PLUS....
Her honors thesis 'Spectral Beasties', is now showing at the Fiske Planetarium and will be on permanent display for all of this summer.
She has been shining all of her life, so it has been the greatest seeing her get the acknowledgement she so well deserves.
Way to go honey :) I love you
Monday, May 01, 2006
May Day
I am very upset with how our country's leaders aren't listening to us. Allowing these very large protest marches in our country, of illegal aliens waving their Mexican flag and demanding rights here in this country has made me very angry, and it is an outrage. The cost alone in enforcing security for these marches is costing a pretty penny as well.
We need to start enforcing our laws that are already on the books, and build a fence. We should not allow illegal aliens; rights, housing, jobs etc without legal status.
The majority of illegals don't seem interested in assimilating to our way of life, or in learning english, and there's the difference: The Immigrants want Freedom, the Illegal Aliens want to Freeload.
We need to start enforcing our laws that are already on the books, and build a fence. We should not allow illegal aliens; rights, housing, jobs etc without legal status.
The majority of illegals don't seem interested in assimilating to our way of life, or in learning english, and there's the difference: The Immigrants want Freedom, the Illegal Aliens want to Freeload.
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
"FINE UPSTANDING LYING SACK OF SHIT"
It's interesting how he feels that he's the one wronged here.
What a Fine upstanding lying sack of shit
"LSOS"
I've recently learned how he's not only been lying to me but to others as well. He probably lies to himself.
He's been such a fan of talking about getting back to his good spiritualism/energy/karma; with all of his bad behavior, actions and deceit it'll come back to bite him in the butt, and I predict very soon. This just coming from me, and I'm no psychic reader.
Funny, but what I remember most of his talking about his past "spiritualism" looking back in the 70's, was mostly describing devil worship/witchcraft/metaphysical type stuff. His current girlfriend is helping him get back to this spiritualism/darkness. Why oh why didn't I see him and his actions more clearly all those years ago.
Love is blind as they say, but truth is like getting laser surgery and seeing very clearly for the very first time in my life.
While I lost alot of years with this despicable lying sack of shit, at least I have rid myself of him. Living without him these past few months have been wonderful, aside from the divorce issues. Looking back at my having to put up with his anger and rages, using the crystal changed him into a man that was very troubled.
He wouldn't brush his teeth for weeks, didn't bathe very often, his hygeine in general was awful. He didn't comb or brush his hair, when it was long it was horrible, he would just pull it back into an uncombed pony tail, so when he cut it that was a bit of an improvement. His poor hygeine mixed with his short temper that the crystal methamphetamine was doing made him a real mess.
I do hope he gets his life together, not for me I'm done, but he needs to get it together for the kids. I want my kids to have a father. I do have a feeling that his relationship with the kids will always be tainted, which is very sad.
At least I still have alot of good years ahead of me to get enjoyment out of life. I hope my kids stay ever strong to get through this. I know how hard this has been on them and I'm so sorry that there isn't alot I can do to help them, other than to be there for them.
I am so very glad that he honored the one rule I insisted on, that rule being to keep the drugs away from the kids. I didn't want him using around the kids, this was a rule that he hated, but again I am so glad that this was enforced by me. My kids I don't think would be where they are in life today if they would have been subjected to drugs in their lives. This was a constant battle, once the kids started junior high and high school. He would leave crap out on the counter at night almost wanting the kids to see the stuff so he could come out of the closet. I found myself doing "rounds" every night clearing up the junk and putting it all away. He on several occasions would tell me how he wanted to do drugs with our daughter, as he wanted to "connect with her on this level". This LSOS actually was gleeful when she went off to college, saying that she would probably be introduced to drugs while at college. He seemed very disappointed when she told of how she had gone to a party and hated how stupid everyone acted and disliked that druggie atmosphere.
That's when I started telling him that the kids needed a father, not a friend.
I'm putting this ugly divorce behind me as soon as I get the papers from the court. I am moving on and I will survive this. I have great kids, my family and friends are the best. I love my inlaws and want to keep connected to them, I didn't divorce them. My inlaws are not aware of any of these horrid details, as my sister in laws told me how they didn't feel their parents could handle the stress of learning about all of his fuck ups; many affairs, falling asleep at the wheel, getting suspended until 2007, his class 3 felony charges, and his crystal methamphetamine addiction, being in their 80's. I don't want to hurt them any more than they already have been. He told them that "we separated", I wouldn't let him get away with that crap, and told them that he had an affair and left me.
What a Fine upstanding lying sack of shit
"LSOS"
I've recently learned how he's not only been lying to me but to others as well. He probably lies to himself.
He's been such a fan of talking about getting back to his good spiritualism/energy/karma; with all of his bad behavior, actions and deceit it'll come back to bite him in the butt, and I predict very soon. This just coming from me, and I'm no psychic reader.
Funny, but what I remember most of his talking about his past "spiritualism" looking back in the 70's, was mostly describing devil worship/witchcraft/metaphysical type stuff. His current girlfriend is helping him get back to this spiritualism/darkness. Why oh why didn't I see him and his actions more clearly all those years ago.
Love is blind as they say, but truth is like getting laser surgery and seeing very clearly for the very first time in my life.
While I lost alot of years with this despicable lying sack of shit, at least I have rid myself of him. Living without him these past few months have been wonderful, aside from the divorce issues. Looking back at my having to put up with his anger and rages, using the crystal changed him into a man that was very troubled.
He wouldn't brush his teeth for weeks, didn't bathe very often, his hygeine in general was awful. He didn't comb or brush his hair, when it was long it was horrible, he would just pull it back into an uncombed pony tail, so when he cut it that was a bit of an improvement. His poor hygeine mixed with his short temper that the crystal methamphetamine was doing made him a real mess.
I do hope he gets his life together, not for me I'm done, but he needs to get it together for the kids. I want my kids to have a father. I do have a feeling that his relationship with the kids will always be tainted, which is very sad.
At least I still have alot of good years ahead of me to get enjoyment out of life. I hope my kids stay ever strong to get through this. I know how hard this has been on them and I'm so sorry that there isn't alot I can do to help them, other than to be there for them.
I am so very glad that he honored the one rule I insisted on, that rule being to keep the drugs away from the kids. I didn't want him using around the kids, this was a rule that he hated, but again I am so glad that this was enforced by me. My kids I don't think would be where they are in life today if they would have been subjected to drugs in their lives. This was a constant battle, once the kids started junior high and high school. He would leave crap out on the counter at night almost wanting the kids to see the stuff so he could come out of the closet. I found myself doing "rounds" every night clearing up the junk and putting it all away. He on several occasions would tell me how he wanted to do drugs with our daughter, as he wanted to "connect with her on this level". This LSOS actually was gleeful when she went off to college, saying that she would probably be introduced to drugs while at college. He seemed very disappointed when she told of how she had gone to a party and hated how stupid everyone acted and disliked that druggie atmosphere.
That's when I started telling him that the kids needed a father, not a friend.
I'm putting this ugly divorce behind me as soon as I get the papers from the court. I am moving on and I will survive this. I have great kids, my family and friends are the best. I love my inlaws and want to keep connected to them, I didn't divorce them. My inlaws are not aware of any of these horrid details, as my sister in laws told me how they didn't feel their parents could handle the stress of learning about all of his fuck ups; many affairs, falling asleep at the wheel, getting suspended until 2007, his class 3 felony charges, and his crystal methamphetamine addiction, being in their 80's. I don't want to hurt them any more than they already have been. He told them that "we separated", I wouldn't let him get away with that crap, and told them that he had an affair and left me.
Sunday, April 09, 2006
My Daughter Has Reminded Me Of This Song....
ARTIST: Timbuk3
TITLE: The Future's So Bright I Gotta Wear Shades
Lyrics and Chords
Intro: / A - - GD / /
I study nuclear science, I love my classes
I got a crazy teacher, he wears dark glasses
/ A7 - - - / /
{Refrain}
Things are going great, and they're only getting better
I'm doing all right, getting good grades
The future's so bright
I gotta wear shades, I gotta wear shades
/ D - - - A - - GD / D - A - / G - - - / A - - GD / /
I've got a job waiting for my graduation
Fifty thou' a year'll buy a lot of beer
{Refrain}
Well I'm heavenly blessed and worldly wise
I'm a peeping-tom techie with X-ray eyes
{Refrain}
I study nuclear science, I love my classes
I got a crazy teacher, he wears dark glasses
{Refrain}
I gotta wear shades, I gotta wear shades
TITLE: The Future's So Bright I Gotta Wear Shades
Lyrics and Chords
Intro: / A - - GD / /
I study nuclear science, I love my classes
I got a crazy teacher, he wears dark glasses
/ A7 - - - / /
{Refrain}
Things are going great, and they're only getting better
I'm doing all right, getting good grades
The future's so bright
I gotta wear shades, I gotta wear shades
/ D - - - A - - GD / D - A - / G - - - / A - - GD / /
I've got a job waiting for my graduation
Fifty thou' a year'll buy a lot of beer
{Refrain}
Well I'm heavenly blessed and worldly wise
I'm a peeping-tom techie with X-ray eyes
{Refrain}
I study nuclear science, I love my classes
I got a crazy teacher, he wears dark glasses
{Refrain}
I gotta wear shades, I gotta wear shades
Saturday, April 08, 2006
Astrophysics In Combination With Art....
My daughter is very creative and sometimes shows her true feelings in her art.
While she is graduating with 3 majors, Fine Arts, Music and Japanese; I got the feeling from this picture that she was feeling bad that she didn't choose Astro Physics or Astronomy as one of her majors. She has been really showing alot of interest in this direction and has been working in the astrophysics building with folks that work with NASA and such. Constantly talking about all of the cool stuff that she does while there working. So I was feeling bad that she didn't learn that she was interested in this until after 7 years of college.
Then she started her Honors program and thesis this past year. It's simply incredible how she managed to put all of this scientific work into a beautiful art form, blending together her art with science. Her gallery opening was April 7th, and was a big success. It was very well attended, and I am just so very proud of her. Below is a photo of her 'Spectral Beasties' art show.
Solar Spectrum and Absorption Beasties
Acrylic on foam
What do you get when you look at a rainbow in detail? You begin to see it interrupted by dark bands. These bands are caused when the light is absorbed by molecules and elements present between the hot part of the sun and our eyes, some found in the earth’s atmosphere, some found in sun’s atmosphere. The most prominent bands were first classified by German physicist Joseph von Fraunhofer in the 19th century with the letters H through K, some of which are illustrated here by being orally absorbed by beasties. Each element and molecule absorbs only a very specific frequency of light, which tells us what the sun is composed of.
This painting spans the visible segment of the electromagnetic spectrum (roughly 400-700 nm), which also includes radio waves, microwaves, infrared radiation, ultraviolet radiation, x-rays, and gamma rays. The sun’s light is strongest in the visible part of the spectrum, which may be why our eyes have adapted to see it best.
Emission Beasties of Selected Elements
Acrylic on canvas
These beasties lie near the floor in their ground state. When an atom loses energy it emits a photon. The photons emitted show up in bright bands against a dark background in exactly the same positions that they appear in when absorbing light. Scientists can compare the spectrums of known gases with those of unknown elements in spectrums of celestial objects, such as the sun, in order to understand their compositions. Can you match the absorbed twin D lines in the solar spectrum above, to the emitted twin yellow lines in one of these paintings?
The five paintings exhibit emission spectra of five elements (from left to right):
Na – Sodium, found in trace amounts in the sun
He – Helium, composing 8% of the sun
H – Hydrogen, composing 92% of the sun
O2 – Oxygen, largely in the earth’s atmosphere, also found in trace amounts in the sun
Hg – Mercury, found in trace amounts in the sun
K 393nm Ca
H 397nm Ca
E 527nm Fe
D1 and D2 doublet 589nm and 590nm Na
B 688nm O2 (earth’s atmosphere)
Doppler Fishes
Oil on canvas
When a train approaches, the pitch of its whistle seems high and then when it passes the pitch drops. This is because the whistle’s sound waves are getting squished together as the train comes towards you, and stretched out as it moves away.
The same thing happens with light. As a light source in space such as the Andromeda Galaxy moves towards us, its light waves get compressed and the patterns in its spectral lines all get shifted towards the blue end of the spectrum. The opposite thing happens to nearly all other celestial objects: they are red-shifted because they are moving away. Due to red-shift we can tell the universe is expanding.
So as you can see, she has learned how to incorporate science into an art form. There is simply nothing that she can't do, I'm convinced of this.
Saturday, April 01, 2006
April Fool's
Dag nab it, my son got me again this year. I even talked with both kids this morning telling them that I was on my toes about it and how I wasn't going to let them get me today. Well that was early this morning and only a few hours ago my son called me and I wasn't thinking about April Fool's Day any longer. Damn!
Well I won't let them get me next year!
I actually sent them an email prank regarding Chef from South Park but that was kind of lame. Sigh.
Honey you really out did yourself. Although the one you pulled while in California was the most intense one.
Well I won't let them get me next year!
I actually sent them an email prank regarding Chef from South Park but that was kind of lame. Sigh.
Honey you really out did yourself. Although the one you pulled while in California was the most intense one.
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Saturday, March 25, 2006
Birthday Beauty
Today is my son's birthday, he is 22 years old.
This gorgeous flower bloomed just overnight with these two beautiful blooms.
I don't understand numerology much, but it's kind of fun to think that these two blooms are in a way celebrating his '22'-ness. This will last for a very long time, for me to look at and be thinking of him.
I wish I could be with him today and do some fun celebrating together. But will settle for enjoying a Guinness in his honor.
I love you honey! I raise my glass, HOO-YAH!
love mom
Also thanks to Nev for the beauty, I do enjoy it every day.
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