One Year Mark

Well it's been one year ago tomorrow that I started this blog. I have really enjoyed writing to this site, something that has surprised me, but also something that has helped me in keeping a journal of sorts.
Alot has happened in this past year, good and bad. I love that my children are around me and that they are doing so extremely well, both of them.
The kids will be going to the 'skate the lake' New Years celebration, while I sit with good friends and drink and go off my diet for a cheat or two. There will be fireworks over the lake at 9 PM and again at midnight, then they will come back to the house and we'll all gather to play games. My son flys out early New Year's Day, sigh. I'm terrible with goodbyes, I hope he will be able to come out again for my daughter's graduation.

Surprise Surprise

My son surprised me by coming home arriving on the Solstice a few days ago. It seems that everyone knew about his coming home except for me. Surprises are a funny thing, they're great if you're "in on it", but not so great if you're not. Although, I'm loving that he's home.
It is so wonderful having both kids home, I'm just loving this.
Family, friends, food, and drink, a wonderful combination.
Well, my kids can surprise me anytime, anywhere, any way and any place.

Relationships Gone Bad

While I can appreciate the value for our children for my 'soon to be ex' husband and I to remain civil to each other while getting our divorce and further down the road as well, this is much more difficult than I thought.
I recently attended a memorial service of a friend that both of us were at. I thought I would be okay if he didn't bring his girlfriend, but that wasn't enough. I felt extremely uncomfortable, to the point of my stomach churning at times.
He tells me of how he'd like for us to "all be friends", this is very insane to me, he's the one with the relationship with her, not me. I don't want her shoved in my face at all, nor in my life. I'm also finding now that I don't want to be around him either. I don't know honestly how I will feel as time goes on, but for now it's very painful for me.
Also I don't I want our friends to see us in the same room together, as it may look as though I approve of what he's doing, that I'm "okay" with it, and that can't be farther from the truth here. No he needs to pay emotionally for his actions, he screwed up and hurt me very deeply, and to act as though everything is okay is too much bullshit for me.
I hate him for what he's done to me (the affair), for what he's taken from me (all of my years wasted with him), for all of the deceitfulness (all the lies, groping and more to other women throughout our marriage), for alot of our friends knowing about his indescretions and never telling me (OMG), and now I'm supposed to make nice now as though none of this ever happened. Or worse yet be accepting of it.
Well I am holding on to get through this divorce, and will try to "get along" for the sake of our children, but I'm done. No more of his shit.
I just hope that in the future when our kids have social things like marriage and grandkids that may enter into the picture, I will be able to work out some type of situation that I can see the kids or whatever and not have to deal with him.
The next social event that will be coming up is my daughters graduation. I am so very proud of her, and have already apologized to her about how I feel and will act during her graduation. I feel bad that I'm creating stress for her, and I will look at ways to reduce this if something more civil can be worked out. I told her that I will go to the graduation, and will throw her the biggest graduation party to celebrate all of her successes. Her father at this point will not be invited to my party that I'm throwing for her, he can have a party on his own. I will endure our having to be together for the graduation ceremony, but not the celebration. Who knows if he'll still even be with his new girlfriend, he may even have a newer one, I certainly don't care.

Preparations

Well, I'm feeling like I've gotten most everything pre done that I can think of. Laundry, grocery shopping (microwave easy stuff), and cleaned the house. I'll be having surgery tomorrow, and won't be able to lift, twist or do stairs for awhile. This frustrates me to no end, I'm sure I'll see stuff that I want to get done and won't be supposed to do it.
Even though I have alot of confidence in my surgeon (I scrubbed with her in surgery many times in the past and love her surgery ethic and how she remained calm in emergent situations). The odd sense of nervousness creeps into my heart and mind. While trying to tell myself everything will be alright, as I know it will be, this twitch keeps annoying me and putting stupid thoughts into my head. I will probably look back after my surgery and read this entry and feel pretty damn stupid.
With all that's going on in my life right now, I just don't want anything to happen to me until I know that the kids will be treated fairly. This is probably what is nagging at me, and so I should throw this feeling out the window, as my kids are the greatest and I shouldn't worry about them at all.

Making "Nice"

I have friends who have been remaining “friends” with both of us, so they've had to endure meeting the bitch too, sorry.
A girlfriend told me last night how the bitch told her to be “nice” to me, because I was “going through hard times”.
How dare she try to make herself seem or look compassionate, that’s so far from the truth, weaseling in acting like she’s a friend herself. Or worse yet that she is “healing” in any way, bullshit.
Such an unethical bitch un-fucking-believable. That’s probably how she thinks that her holistic healing is validated as well, bitch.
That my friend wouldn’t be “nice” to me in the first place. How dare she even enter into it as though she’s “healing”. Fuck her. Truth of the matter is that they know what a bitch she really is, they are only being “nice” to her.
Yes I’m angry, for her to mess with their minds pisses me off. She tries to make it look like she means so well, and feels sorry, well she is so full of shit.

Also, talking with yet another friend; here I spent alot of time carrying out all of his clothes taping the hangers together, putting his shoes, socks etc., into bags and putting them into the cars sitting outside the house, so he could pick up his stuff with the clothes being protected in the car if the weather turned bad. Well, his version is that I put the stuff outside in the yard. Makes me wonder what he's telling other folks about what's really going on here....

Veteran's Day

I just finished watching the celebration at Arlington Cemetery with Vice President Cheney. It really stirs up many emotions, how much I truly love our country, and what we stand for and defend.Thank you to all of our veterans.In our neck of the woods, we have a small group that frequently gathers items to send over to Iraq and Afghanistan to support our troops. Now we're collecting for Christmas, so as to give those a sense of home while away fighting for our freedom. Knowing that all over our country these small groups are organizing and sending out items to help, does my heart good. It's as though we're "mom's" to all of our son's and daughter's, and are so very proud of them all.I'm planning on going down the hill to Denver to go to Ft. Logan cemetery, where Danny Deitz and others are buried. It is so important to honor our dead, and show appreciation for their ultimate sacrifice. At a local establishment here, "The Bucksnort Saloon", there's a plaque that tells of a Navy SEAL's reunion that occurred here. Dunno if it's real, but it brings joy to think that this place was once occupied by hero's. Because of this, I also plan to enjoy a tall one for all of our servicemen and women at the end of the day.
Thanks to my son and to my dad and to my friend Jerry for serving in the military, protecting our freedoms.

Shards Of Broken Rubble Ashes And Debris

Well I've learned today how L** has been making advances to other women over the years. I just got an email from a friend telling me.

How I was so blind to all of this, just kills me. Another friend also told me of advances made by L** to another woman. And a third woman also with the same story. In a way verifying each other's stories.
It was said to L** and the bitch about how can you build a relationship out of shards of broken rubble ashes and debris. Well they deserve each other. Both have been so damn deceitful, telling nothing but lies. I am truly done here.
Here's the e-mail that I received just this morning:

Jan, I love you and please call me. Any night you're up late, I get home about 11:15 PM. I'd like to see you and be your friend through this. Drugs warp people's minds and now that I work as a 911 operator, I hear daily with the fall-out of crystal meth - it destroys brains and lives. Stop blaming yourself.

In 1985 when I bought my condo and L** came over to advise me about how to rough in a basement bathroom, he grabbed me from behind and started kissing my neck and groping my breasts. I was shocked. I pulled away and told him in no uncertain terms that I was not interested, that you were my friend.

He tried again on another occasion, after I was married, I think it was the summer of 1991. I do not believe he was any stranger to adultery even back then, he seemed morally quite comfortable with it. He let me know he was still interested if I ever changed my mind. I made it a point to never be alone with him after that.

So many times I thought about telling you. But I would see how happy you were, and what beautiful children you had, and did not want to cause you or your family pain. I'm only telling you because you obviously need to know this now. Stop blaming yourself. He was NEVER a faithful husband, he was a cheater from early on. Such men do not change. I'm sorry, but it is true. I'd like to be a better friend to you now, if you'll let me. I want to see you. Love, L***

Selecting A Mate At "The Man Store"

My husband announced to me that he has been unhappy for the last 20 years, and was leaving me. (This was the first I learned of this) There was no discussion, explaination, nor arguement just those cold words that I replay in my head, "Jan, I'm leaving you". He said it like a mantra like he was trying to convince himself as well. Telling me that he had an appointment to get to in 10 minutes and couldn't stay, was a bit too staged, but what was I to do. I was in shock, not understanding left crying with my head spinning.

A bit of history here, approximately 10 years ago, he had an affair short lived but non the less an affair, and when I learned of it he cried, telling me how sorry he was and professed his undying love for me. It took a long time for us to work this through and for me to begin trusting him again, but I finally did. Getting a counselor was discussed, but I felt like we had worked through it on our own adequately. Me being the one that was wronged here to make that decision.

Our 25th wedding anniversary is Oct. 12th, tomorrow. I think I deserve a little more compassion than what he has showed me. He likes to tell friends how we separated, instead of how he was so very deceitful going behind my back, and had to be told by another friend how he needs to tell me, this was said to him while he was introducing her to this friend. That he owes me that, being that we have been married for so long. He left me worried sick after the drug bust not hearing from him, thinking the worst that he got into another car accident falling asleep at the wheel.

This bitch being the founder of a center that offers various therapys such as channeling, stone, and is a "holistic healer" herself etc., knowing that he was a married man was very unethical in having the affair with him.

He should have told me he wanted to separate, then after a legal separation or divorce carry on a relationship with someone else if that's what he wanted to do. Not before. He tells me how he feels he's getting back to his good spirituality and good energy, karma or whatever, and that she is helping him attain this. How can he see this as anything of a good spirituality or energy when they were both so deceitful going behind my back with all of the lies and affair. I found out that he also introduced her to our daughter telling her not to tell mom, during the time that I didn't know about the affair, while he was still coming home to me.

A side note of all this; the bitch has two adoptive teenager daughters 13 and 14 I think. To have a man that she has only known a week or two at the time, move in as a lover sure is teaching these young girls a wonderful lesson here. She should have these children removed from her. To subject her girls to a man that she really doesn't know, frightening. He's a good man, but she doesn't really know that, well used to be. I'm still strongly considering reporting her ass for being so unethical.

He also has been addicted to speed, something that he refuses to acknowledge. He tells me that he only uses it "medicinally". Using these drugs among other problems has caused him to lose a wonderful job, having gotten busted while at work. He needs to admit that he has a problem and get into a drug rehab program. Using these drugs caused alot of turmoil in our relationship, as I hated him using speed. He would get very irritable, short tempered, and his perspective of how or what was said was squewed. I always tried to be positive and hope that he would eventually stop his drug use, something that never happened.

He promised me that he would honor my request to not have this bitch in our house. He not only brought her to our home, he gave her a tour. I had a friend changing the locks, something that my counselor had suggested, and he came on a day that he knew that I was working and wouldn't be home. He gave her a 45 minute tour, my friend that was changing the locks told me how he overheard him saying, "this is my heritage", "these are mine", "this was my father's", as he showed her through the house. I find this interesting especially when he made the comment about our home only being about attaining stuff, not about love. He also started taking things, which my friend I'm sorry got in the middle of this, said hey you shouldn't take stuff without Jan here.

He tells me of how he will help me with the mortgage, but he hasn't worked since he got busted at work for drugs. This I will reserve judgement on to see how it shakes out, hopefully he will help some.

Not working, he goes out to expensive restaurants, (this I learned seeing the bank statement) and just enjoying his time with this bitch. When he was home, we were working our butts off trying to get caught up on bills. We did get caught up on our bills, and I saw light at the end of the tunnel, so much for that.

I guess I'm starting to move into the realization that he won't be coming back, not being interested in marriage counseling. We never were at a juncture to even discuss it, he moved right to the announcement.

I am very angry over learning that he tells me how unhappy he was especially for so long, and when I ask him why he didn't tell me or leave back then, he tells me that he tried to tell me, but I wouldn't listen. I would have heard that, please. Also about why he didn't leave, he tells me he stayed out of inertia. How selfish of him, for me to think that I had a loving man that was my partner in life, not be honest with me so I could have moved on to possibly be with someone who would truly love and appreciate me. We would have arguements, but we had good times too. His hindsight now of only seeing the downside with the perspective of the bitch, isn't helping things.

I have always been one to view life as a one shot deal. Enjoy it to the max, this being said, if I were unhappy, I'd do something about it. I just don't understand his thinking here.

I feel he is having a mid life crisis, as alot of our friends feel as well, and add that they don't think it'll last much more than 6 months with this bitch. I'm told that she doesn't want him to work, that she will take care of him. He has been driving her newer cars around, not needing our junk shitboxes to drive. We'll see how that shakes out, will she help pay my mortgage for him? Or his lawyer?

A friend wrote back to me with these thoughts:

It may not feel like it now, but maybe it’s time for you to move on, too. How many other ways are you going to leave yourself open for him. You must protect yourself financially, emotionally, physically, and every other way you could imagine. Let her support him. Enjoy that she gets a broken-down man who could crap on the person closest to him. When selecting a mate, if you went to the“man store”, is that the kind of guy you’d choose? Me either. Not the qualities I’d choose for someone close to me. Let’s see some other traits he’s shown her: he’s willing to lie to his life-long mate and his daughter and to the world. He’s in love until something better (in his opinion) comes along. He betrays and stays around even when unhappy, meaning he didn’t have the guts to get out of a bad marriage (if it was actually so bad). He has no loyalty to the person who stuck by HIM during even the bad times. He didn’t give the two of you the opportunity to fix all that was wrong (in his opinion) in your marriage. He was so good at his deception that you weren't given the clues that something was wrong. Do you get where I’m going here? SHE DESERVES HIM! And most important, you don’t deserve all the crap they are dishing to you.

Frequency

There are several learned facets to speaking.

Men are raised with what can be called "dominance talking", using conversation to control, win debate, argue. Not just their speech, but their body language is noticeably aggressive. (Think "Foghorn Leghorn".) Content is far less important than pecking order.

Women are raised with "support talking", eliciting requests for emotional support and offering emotional support. Again, actual content is unimportant. (Think of the stereotypical gab fest.)

A third facet, common to both men and women is the content of their speech: data, emotional, or physical. This is both natural and learned.

"Data speech", is attempting to convey very accurate and specific information in a clear, concise, and ordered form as possible. It takes a great deal of focus on the part of both the speaker and the listener, and has severe limitations as far as accuracy goes.

"Emotional speech" attempts to convey broader lessons. It is far less accurate as far as data goes, instead idealizing events to clarify complex emotional lessons. Urban legends are the logical extreme of this.

"Physical speech" is less talking than a barrage of physical contact while talking. It is uncommon except with very physically-oriented people, who are trained against using it, as most other people interpret it as assault, rather than an effort at communication.

Here is an example at a track meet as told by an observer that I find interesting; frustrating lack-of-communication conversation between a physical guy, an emotional guy, and a data-oriented guy.
It was bizarre.The physical guy had run in a track meet.
The data guy asked him how it was. His answer was simplistic, and he acted it out, "Oh, we ran and ran and the other guys ran really hard and we ran and stuff!" The data guy was puzzled, and whipped out a bunch of statistical questions: who won? who was second place? what were their times? how many people were there?, etc.
The physical guy just looked at him painfully, with a "who cares?" expression on his face. He finally replied something like "I guess I won."So the data guy turned to the emotional guy and asked him about the race.
The emotional guy had been in the stands and talked about how exciting and thrilling it had been, with lots of emotional highs and lows, but "we" pulled through and won! Now it was the data guy's turn to be puzzled. Once again, he had no data to process, just subjective stuff. The emotional guy had no clue about the stats, but made some approximate guesses, which were unacceptable to the data guy.
Anyway, after watching this exchange, the three parted company, and I made it a point to talk to them alone. Each of the three expressed frustration that the other two didn't get the whole point of the race. For the runner it was the action, for the data guy it was the stats, and for the emotional guy it was for the thrill. I have seen better communication between people of different languages.

Another facet of speech is natural, what could be called "frequency". That is, a very 'buzzy' person has difficulty communicating with a very 'sluggish' person. The buzzy person tries to slow their own conversation down, and the sluggish person tries to speed theirs up. If the gap between the two is too great, they can't reach the same "frequency" and no communication happens.

Data, emotional, and physical communication have very different "frequency bands" in which they normally operate, and some people experience much difficulty jumping from one band to another. These, and other major natural and learned patterns of speech are very exclusive. Unless you are used to them, communication doesn't happen and you are faced with people you don't understand, apparently talking nonsense. Physical people often end up in jail, just for trying to say something.

So in looking or examining communication, it can be easy for one party to think that the other party understands or heard something in how it was said or meant to be understood, when it is entirely possible that they didn't.

Distraction falls into place here as well. Some feel like they can multi task, by this I mean; for one to read a paper, watch TV, and feel like they are listening is crazy. Often times the one talking starts getting distracted by looking at what the listener is looking at and forgets what the communication was about in the first place. Worse yet is when the listener interupts and says a quick retort of an outline almost of the content of the speakers intent, not always being accurate. Often times happening out of wanting a conversation to end. Very rude to say the least.

For someone to be on the same frequency and finish each others sentences, or being on the same plane of thought is wonderful. But to note the difference here of someone trying to insert a new idea or concept into a conversation not known to the listener yet needs to get the point across first, then to be on the same plane to finish each others thoughts in words as to discuss the new item brought up in the conversation.

Common courtesy of being a good listener and really caring what that person has to say speaks volumes.

This being said, when someone says how they have tried to tell someone something over many years but it was never understood, should have tried another frequency. As the listener doesn't realize that they are missing out on a potential important bit of news.

To be a good listener with patience, courtesy and understanding is a rarity. To be a good speaker on the right frequency knowing that you are understood I've learned now is a rarity as well.

A Faux Love

When I won your love, I was very glad
Every happiness in the world belonged to me
Then our love was lost and you went away
Now I shed my tears in lonely misery

I know now that you never ever really loved me
It hurts me now to think you never ever really cared
I sit and ask myself a thousand times to try and find
What really happened to the love that we shared

How could I be such a fool
How could I believe all those lies you told me
How could I be taken in by your sweet face
You spoiled our love, you ruined my life
I'm so tore down, I'm a terrible disgrace

But there will come a time and you'll regret the way
You treated me as if I was a fool and didn't know
The many times you lied about your love for me
Someone else is gonna know that your love was just a show...

How could I be such a fool?

Frank Zappa.

Inertia is an interesting word.
For one to use the excuse of inertia, in not leaving a relationship, giving the appearance that love is present, to find out that it hasn't been (how could it be with the behaviors exhibited now), instead wasting so many years of another by allowing them to think that they had a loving partner by their side, is so very selfish.

Hurricane Rita

Rita is a category 5 Hurricane, very frightening. I hope people evacuate. If not I hope they are well prepared for the worst and have supplies for several days.
To think that it's hurricane season until the end of November.

Deer Hunting

This morning I got a call from a friend that we allowed to bow hunt on our land for deer. He got one only after about an hour this morning, practically sitting on our deck. He just finished telling me of all the details of how it happened, and it just made my morning. First arrow shot too
(this picture is on the west side of our home where he got the deer)

No Matter What

When you love someone, truly love that person, even if they mess up or do something stupid, or if you're the one that causes the mess up, doesn't change the fact that you still love them. I would like to think that they could come to me and we can talk and work it out together. To not come to me thinking I would judge them isn't right, or because they might not want to 'hear it'. I may say yeah you messed up, but then let's choose the best way of dealing with it. Together I feel we can tackle anything. For someone not to call me for help, do they think of me as such a monster that I would harp at them over their mess up? I hope not. Sometimes the very act of what got you in the predicament you're in, is what puts you in a different thought pattern that effects your decisions in a bad way. It makes you see things not as clearly as you need to be seeing them. Please don't push away the folks that really love you. Most of us trip a few times along the way in life, no one is perfect. What's important is that we learn from it and pick ourselves up and continue on. Communication skills are very important, I often learn that my intentions are misunderstood, or taken the wrong way. Please don't misunderstand this, I love you, no matter what.

Forever Changing History

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/September_11,_2001_attacks

Talking to our aunt that lived in Chelsea, not going out because the air was choking. Our sister in law being confused by learning planes crashed into the twin towers after she walked to work only a few blocks away, thinking how it was too clear a day for this to happen. I was working an International conference in Denver, so we set up large TV's to keep people informed of what was going on.
Remembering this day, keeps us strong, focused and united in fighting terrorism. We need to make sure that our borders are closed and monitored, monitoring our airports, train stations and subway systems as well. We need to remain vigilant in our reserve to be aware of our surroundings and report any strange behavior.
I remember a time when you wouldn't worry about such things, but today our world is a more dangerous place. We need to just live smart.

Blog Spam

Man I returned to check out my blog, and was excited about seeing 4 comments. I should have been suspicious that I got 4 comments within a short time of writing. Interesting that it zero'ed in on my previous comment of the Katrina Hurricane
So I've enabled the little wig dealie, hopefully this will help.

Katrina Emergency Preparedness

Let me first preface this comment by saying that I hope you don't think I'm a terrible person for harboring these feelings.
Why folks didn't follow the mandatory evacuation is beyond me. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, but the satellite photos of this hurricane demonstrated that this was a big one. The fact that we're hearing about rapes murders and looting is very tragic too. The fact of snipers shooting at the helocopters that are trying to bring relief is just craziness. Having to use troops to contain order rather than have everyone doing relief effort is stupid.
It seems that the folks that stayed behind for whatever reason mostly seem to be a mixture of thugs and those not having resources. What we're seeing now is the ignorance that has been breeding here over many years. These folks seem to rely on the government to help out in every way. I never understood watching folks walking in the water back and forth staying in the town, why they didn't keep walking north out of town I'll never know. Anything would be better than staying in New Orleans.
Most of all the disaster plans encourage folks to have a family plan intact, to be ready themselves and knowledgeable in how to access information. The local government failed miserably as well, going off the deep end. It is sad that precious hours and days were wasted because of this. Why the local government didn't activate school busses to assist folks to get out before the storm hit is curious. With the evacuation site being the Superdome also below sea level is pretty crazy as well, also that no supplies were taken in preparation to the Superdome anticipating refugee's arriving.
I know this sounds horrible, as I like to think I am compassionate in alot of ways. I guess what I mean to say is I would like to help folks already making some attempt here. For it to be expected that everything be done is crazy especially in such an all out emergency. I'm not refering to the elderly or sick, I'm mostly refering to the able bodied.
To not see these guys help each other out is frustrating to say the least. I feel like we are failing the folks that were just too ignorant to leave or that decided to stay for other strange reasons (that escape me) and are stuck with these thugs. So much for emergency preparedness. Meanwhile I hope folks survive this tragic situation.

With New Orleans being below sea level, it makes me wonder if it would be good to rebuild the city to a higher ground. I know they will probably rebuild it where it stands, but it seems to me to be a bandaid, and that this tragic situation could happen again with the next horrendous storm.

I also wonder about the folks evacuated to Houston, they probably won't have the funds to travel back to New Orleans, especially after several months of starting school and jobs and most probably will get established in Houston.

My heart goes out to all of these families that are suffering so much in these very difficult times.

Lyrics

I used to think that my hearing got bad when I hit my 40's. With hindsight, I've been thinking that I must have been hard of hearing for a long time before that. Upon remembering some old time favorite songs and lyrics, I was laughing at myself while remembering a few choice songs.

"There's A Bad Moon On The Rise"---"There's A Bathroom On The Right"
or;
"She's Got A Ticket To Ride"---"She's Got A Tick In Her Ass, (And She Don't Care)"

Can I blame it on a transistor radio not having a strong signal? Ha Ha

Bomb Squad

I wore a t-shirt that I guess looked kind of official.
Some guy working on another crew saw me and really thought that I was part of a bomb squad. I laughed so hard it brought tears to my eyes, then I thought man I guess in these times it may be necessary to have folks like this in some work environments, and then it wasn't so funny. (Someone also added that this being a christian focused convention, it would be a prime target for terrorists)
My shirt's logo said;

BOMB SQUAD
if you see us running, try to keep up

Hummers In Action

This morning was my first day off in awhile, nice to be awoken by the Hummers, rather than the alarm clock. They were really talking and singing up a storm. Not only their song, but the sounds from their wings are fun as well.
I just refilled the feeder having made up the batch last night, and put it in the refrigerator so it would be nice and cool for them.
They are swarming like mad, I just love them.
Below is a site that I found that has a few short sound bytes of these beautiful Hummingbirds.

http://animaldiversity.ummz.umich.edu/site/accounts/sounds/Trochilidae.html

The Distant Rumble

The Sumatra-Andaman Fault.

Here is a site that you can listen to the recording of the underwater sound produced by the magnitude 9.3 earthquake that took place December 26th 2004.
http://www.ldeo.columbia.edu/news/2005/07_20_05.htm

Swag n' Drool

We worked at the Harley Davidson Show a few days back, mostly down in the meeting rooms. Got to go up to the show floor and see some of the gorgeous bikes for a short time. The crotch rockets or Donor Bikes as I refer to them, were very pretty. Actually the side cars were pretty cool as well. Lot's of fun swag too. (This photo doesn't do justice, it's from my old phone.)

This Is So Me

So often I find myself in front of the computer, having lost all sense of time.
So thought this sketch by Sarah (thanks) would be a great profile photo for me.

Ceremony At Fort Logan

Attended services today, a proud silence. My heart goes out to this family, and my thoughts and prayers are with them during this very difficult time.

Navy SEAL Danny Dietz, 25, was one of three commandos killed in a firefight June 28 when they were ambushed in the mountains of eastern Afghanistan while searching for a high-ranking terrorist. One member of the special-forces unit eluded capture and told authorities that Dietz had saved his life. For heroism in combat, Dietz was posthumously awarded the Silver Star, one of the military's highest honors.
Dietz was badly wounded as he fought off more than 30 attackers advancing on him down a rugged mountainside, killing "numerous" enemies, authorities said Monday.

SEAL Memorial at the Punchbowl (Picture and info via another blogger, I just wanted to pay tribute to these brave warriors on my blog.)
SEAL's Crosses HOOYAH!

There were 11 pairs of UDT Duck Feet swim fins tips down, ankle straps crossed, sitting beneath a desert painted M-4 rifle with its muzzle downward topped by a desert cammie helmet. A SEAL's Cross. Five of these had a Hawaiian lei placed around the rifle to signify the five sailors from Hawaii that had perished. On a table behind the rifles were shadow boxes for each man containing their full compliment of military awards, rank insignia, and a tri folded American flag. Above each shadow box was a large photo of each man. On another table just to the side was another display consisting of five sets of UDT Duck Feet draped with a UDT life jacket and topped with an old style oval shaped SCUBA facemask that had the name and BUD/S class number of each man engraved on the glass. Leaning on each was a Navy K-bar knife that had each man’s name and BUD/S class engraved upon it as well.

A very tragic time. To these brave young warriors may you rest in peace.

Ancient Times

Yesterday My daughter and I went to the Denver Museum of Natural History. It had been several years since last going and it was very fun to go again.
The lights went out for some reason while we were in the Egyptian part of the building, and the generator lights came on immediately, but only out in the main hallways. We just turned on our trusty flashlights and continued walking through the mummies displayed. The darkness walking through the exhibit really improved the ambience of it all, somehow making it more fun. Kinda felt like Lara Croft or Indiana Jones. We soon had an entourage of folks walking behind us all enjoying the lit up displays with our flashlights.

Happy Birthday America

This year July 4th has been a very sad one, having learned of the Special Forces tragedy only a few days ago in Afghanistan.
We should remind ourselves what the fireworks signify, and remember and honor those brave young men. This was well said by someone else, but I really wanted to include it here on my blog. As this sets at the core of our country and what we stand for. My heart goes out to these families, and may they always know just how highly their sacrifices are honored. Let us also hope that they did not die in vain.

I Feel A Disturbance in the Force

My heart goes out to the family and friends of those Navy SEAL Operatives that went down with the helicopter. Also to the Night Stalkers on the helicopter. It is so difficult to see our soldiers giving the ultimate sacrifice for the rest of us to stay safe.

A Delicate Balance

Being misunderstood can be very unsettling. While raving and being proud for one, it's gone unnoticed how proud of the other I am. Hey I'm there.

A new baby deer in our front yard today, looked to be only a few hours old. We saw the mommy deer pretty close by.

Gary and Nevada at Bailey Day June 25th 2005

Bailey Day 6-25-05

Bailey Day June 25th 2005

Summer Solstice 2005

Happy Solstice

What a fun time we had while at the Solstice party. Great folks, food and music, as always. Our friends are the absolute best and being able to introduce folks of different groups that didn't know each other but have similar interests was a very fun thing to be able to do.
We successfully stood the proverbial "egg" vertical to stand alone, and as we all were looking on in awe at this feat, about 30 seconds into it; a little kid came by and broke our intense wonderment of it all by grabbing the egg and announcing "mine". This was of course another "aw", of another ilk, as I had never seen this other than on TV or to read about being able to do it.
Fun times....

Half Life

Overheard at the party tonight. "Physics aside, the half life of whiskey is always shorter at an O'Leary party".
What a fun time, good friends, food, and live Irish music.

So Very Proud

Wow, my son just bought a house. He called and told me of all the wonderful details, and his voice was filled with excitement and joy. I am very happy for him and proud too.

Peanuts Quiz

This was a fun quiz, I was pig pen.
Cut and paste into your browser:

http://quizilla.com/users/anonymousnowhere/quizzes/Which%20Peanuts%20Character%20are%20You?/

Spotting Bullshit From Miles Away

Our Clint Barmes of the Rockies who plays short stop has broken his clavicle.
On the news tonight he was talking about how he broke it when he slipped on some steps while carrying groceries. He went on to say that he didn't know it was broken for a time and when he found out he was bummed. That's pretty painful how does one not realize that it's broken?! Is it the fact that he's an athlete that has a higher pain tolerance?
I suspect he was doing something that he shouldn't have been doing, but gave this lame story to cover. I wonder how much money he got in his contract. Maybe I should cut him some slack. It is possible that it happened the way that he says, just because who would make up a story like that.
I'm sorry that it happened, but come on fess up with the truth!

Guilt Professional

I was really enjoying some cherries that I bought at the grocery store the other day. How sweet and firm they were, I loved everything about them.
Then I remembered a conversation I had with my daughter a few years back about how she hated cherries, and thought it was because of the cherry flavored cough syrup I gave her as a child. How terrible not to enjoy fresh yummy cherries.
I used to pick cherries as a kid with alot of my friends. A group of 5 or 6 of us would attack a tree, and pick it clean in a few hours. We would climb up the rickety ladders, and one would climb up the trunk of the tree, and we'd have the radio playing. I remember, "Little Red Riding Hood You Sure Are Looking Good...." as being one of the songs that was current at the time.
Fun fun times, earning money to buy clothes for the next school year, and gas that cost 23.9 cents per gallon at the time sigh....
I would like to think she'd give cherries another chance....

Nut Fat

What a fun discovery. The natural fat that is in almonds is good for your heart. Wow two fun discoveries in one week, fat free hotdogs a few days back, and now the natural fat that is in almonds being good for you. Kinda makes you want to sit down at our dinner table huh?

Dating Myself....

Often while putting ideas down I find that I end up "dating myself" frequently by naming old time experiences, old prices, sizes, and just ways of doing things. I really like the generation that I've grown up in, what else can I say.

Arm Signal's

While driving home I was thinking about folks using or not using turn signals. I like to use arm signals alot, I like to wave my arm around in the air enjoying the breeze, funnel the air in various directions, play the air guitar, beat my thumb on the car to a beat on the radio, and just generally feel the air blowing through my fingers. I find myself not using a turn signal if I'm in the turn lane as it should be obvious, shouldn't it? If I'm changing lanes or turning in a position that doesn't involve or effect anyone else I usually don't use a signal. Man this seems to piss some folks off, more reason not to use... I do however use a turn signal if it does involve another car. I really don't know why I'm stingy with using signals. When I'm on my way home or on a lonely road where I'm the only vehicle for miles around, using a signal now, isn't that the same as if a tree falls in a forest if there's no one around does it make any noise. Does someone experience joy from knowing that I used my signal?
OK, I will try to use my signals more

Hotdog Burrito's

I've been on a diet for too long, that's my only answer. Lon found some fat free all beef hotdogs that were on sale, need I say more? Only 45 calories! Life's simple pleasures....
For dinner tonight, Lon and I had my wonderful "hotdog burrito's" once again. Using fat free tortilla's, fat free refried beans and our new find fat free hotdogs. Pretty good with salsa too.

May Daze

This weekend should be a very fun time.
Camping out with friends and
dancing to great jam bands.
Here's the site:
http://maydaze.net

You've Got To Hold Your Mouth Right

My grandmother who liked to be called mom, died when I was only 10 years old, but I had spent alot of time with her growing up and loved her dearly. I remember her making chocolate goodies, and us playing with the ducks in her back yard by the swing. The fact that she lived in San Francisco and had ducks and chickens was pretty cool. She was wonderful with baby birds and raised lots of them; one particular one named Skippy a parakeet that was very tame spoke more words than you'd think possible. While holding your arm over the sink, Skippy would run up and down ruffling his feathers taking a shower. Very cute. Mom painted lots of landscapes using oils. Most of the paintings were of the twisted trees by the coast. Mom was always making something or working on something. Lot's of needlepoint, but mostly painting. One of the expressions she would say was, "you've got to hold your mouth right", when trying to accomplish something. I find myself trying to do something and become aware of my facial expression and remember my grandmother and smile.

Crossed And Not Giving A Rip

WOW,
I was actually crossing my legs this afternoon, I haven't been able to do this activity for a very long time due to my weight.
I then proceeded to change left over right and right over left and back again.
What a wonderful feeling. I must have looked strange to passer by's but I don't give a rip what others think. Yes!
My diet is working,
coolness

Favorite chocolate

An interesting topic to me.
White chocolate, dark chocolate, milk chocolate, cocoa; then there is chocolate with other things that inhance the flavor like; chocolate with nuts, caramel, or marshmallows; and cookies, cakes, truffles, ice cream, etc..
Too many to list here, but what a hard choice.
I don't know as if I can honestly only list one type here, so I will just say......
milk chocolate.
I am reminded of the hershey kiss shaped street lights that we saw while driving through Hershey Pennsylvania, it was very fun to see those.

Superstitions

After thinking about Friday the 13th, while putting laundry away my mind started thinking back about my dad and his ways. I giggled because my dad was so very superstitious. Now in all fairness, both of my folks were born before 1909, so superstitions were very plentiful back then.
We'd be in our car at a railroad crossing, and he would prevent me from counting the box cars, telling me that it was bad luck to do so. Don't dare step on a crack or you'd break your mother's back. Come to think of it both my folks threw a pinch of salt over their shoulder several times that I can remember. Thinking about hotels without a 13th floor, airports without a 13th aisle, or 13th seat, does that mean that the 14th really is the 13th?

Friday The 13th

My mom was born on a Friday the 13th, and it was always good luck for her. In fact I've always had fun happy good fortune type things happen on this day. Even though I was born on the 10th of the month, I have always bathed in the luckiness from mom's birthdate. I guess I never have really looked upon it as being dangerous or bad luck to anticipate some ill will of sorts occurring. Just another holiday to have fun with.
Paraskevidekatriaphobics, this is the phobia of Friday the 13th. I researched this a bit and found that it was mostly based on a history of bad religious things occurring; Eve tempted Adam with the apple, the flood in the bible, the confusion at the Tower of Babel, Christ died on the 13th, 13 were present at the last supper. Friday came to be called Witches Sabbath, for it was believed that there were 12 witches and the 13th one was the devil, 13 evil spirits up to no good.
It even goes back farther; In Norse mythology there were 13 present at the banquet of Valhalla when the son of Odin was slain, which led to the downfall of the gods. 1000 BC Hesiod wrote that the thirteenth day is unlucky for sowing, but favorable for planting.
Some folks won't drive, work, set a wedding date, or eat in restaurants on this date.
This superstition has intrigued me a bit, when fairly intellectual folks get crazy over this. I guess you just have to have fun with it. Shucks, no more friday the 13th's for 2005.
I think I'll drive to town, plan a fun summer party, get some work done, and go celebrate by bobbing for apples and enjoy a good meal at a nice restaurant.

Yeah Right

In one of my jobs, nursing, it's time for our newly hired boss to get her evaluation, or summed up by her boss. Everyone has been submitting info like mad as there really are alot of issues "terrible is as terrible does". Now her boss wants names attached to the complaints or input. I don't think so, as if nothing is done (most likely) and there is your name sitting there, life as you know it would be hell. So why do I bother submitting issues if nothing will be done, maybe somewhere in the back of my mind I keep hoping that the right thing is done. If we're stuck with her, maybe she can improve. Maybe by the shear number of complaints (and I know there are at least close to 40 ) oh well. How do folks of this ilk keep getting promoted or hired, and good people passed over?
I know I know. I have a few days off now thankfully. I think I'll go play outside.

Mother's Day

Today was a fun day to have to work at the hospital. I work in obstetrics where "new mom's are made", and it was very fun wishing them for the first time Happy Mother's Day!

Zappa

I had a Frank Zappa tune in my head for most of the day yesterday.
Most times that can be a very bad thing having a tune in your head played over and over, but Zappa has a way of drenching your thoughts in a most splendid way.
I miss Frank Zappa, what a talent he was. No one is even trying to copy his type of music, but could they....

Springtime In The Rockies....

Last week we had another springtime snow storm which brought much needed water to our area. With all of the fire dangers and evacuations that we've had to do in past years, we are very happy to see these wet storms that really soak into the ground.
This week the snow is pretty much gone and my flowers are starting to come up. I had planted alot of bulbs last fall and it's fun watching them coming up. Now I just need to ward off the deer and critters from eating them. I'm also wanting to plant a vegetable garden this year. Last year I didn't because of my motorcycle accident, but I'm fine now and plan to plant away soon. It should help my dieting having fresh lettuce and spinach and the like coming up to add to our salads.
I just love spending time outside working in my flower beds, it's my solitude.

Sap For Foolery

My son pulled quite the April Fool's Gag on me yesterday. Had me going strong until he called me and said that phrase that we all know so well, "April Fool's!"

Even when I knew it was April Fool's Day and had played a gag on my daughter! Took me a bit of time, but then remembered how only the year before both kids got dad and I good with yet another April Fool's joke.

I'll be ready next year....

My Son's Birthday!

Today is my son's 21st birthday, and we can't all be together to celebrate. Boo. We'll just have to celebrate the next time that he comes home. We'll have a few drinks of Bourbon, and some cake.
(diet note; I'll watch the cake be eaten and splurge on the bourbon)

More Kitchen Room....

Sticking to a diet really sucks, but the rewards have been wonderful. My knees stopped hurting, with less weight to carry around I guess.

At work my friends told me that my face looked thinner,
at home my husband told me that my butt looked smaller,
and my daughter told me that I don't take up as much space in the kitchen.

Now those are quite the compliments, I love them!

I still have a ways to go....

True Geek

I find myself sitting in a dark room with only the glow of my monitor shining on me. I didn't realize how late it was getting. I must admit though, I do love the ambience of the mood it puts me in. I'm sitting here communicating with my husband and daughter instant messaging. What a wonderful way to communicate.....

Anxious For Springtime!

I've been keeping myself very busy on my days off from work by completing projects in the house. But as I'm watching the snow falling outside, I find myself thinking about springtime flowers and planting. Trying to decide what to plant this year in my garden, what annuals to add for color in my flower beds, and wondering if my perennials will come up healthy, and full. I also feel myself wanting to start working on projects outside more than my inside projects.
Actually, I'm thinking about some fun summertime party's that we'll be able to have with all of the work that I've been doing downstairs, and starting on some fun projects outside will be great.
Bottom line, it's all about the fun party's.....

Getting Older....

Well, the samples that my doctor gave me are gone, and I had to buy more antibiotics at the pharmacy. $$$ away, sigh. A sign of getting old. Medicine seems to be so much more the older you get. $89.00 for 7 pills. Insurance sure didn't make much of a dent. Makes me very happy about my usually being healthy.

"High Fever Pitch Blues" By The Whiner

Well hello again cyberspacians.
I'm finally feeling human after about 4 days of having a very high fever. Getting that high fever and the head exploding then freezing when the fever breaks. You know the feeling, head exploding, sweating, clammy, freezing, repeat and repeat and repeat. I'm just glad that it's over.
Whine whine whine.
There I'm done.
It's great to be back....

Hi from us.... 

Mumbo Jumbo....

My husband at times can seem almost clairvoyant. Not to sound out there or anything, but he has an extremely insightful perspective about people that are close to him. What makes me say this now is, that when he got home from work I told him about our friend having the heart attack, and he had been attempting to call him several times over the last few days, sensing that something was wrong. He even showed me his cell phone log that had all of the failed attempts at trying to reach him. (This isn't a friend that he regularly calls either).
Over the many years that we've been together, I would make what I'd think was a random call to him, and then learn that he had wanted me to call. I love how this makes me feel so very close with him, like we're connecting on a higher level of sorts. I found myself trying it out on him, where I would focus on him and wish him to call me. Kind of creepy how it seems to work, but because of his ablilities I think, not mine.....

We Love You!

Life is so very precious....
I got a phone call from a good friend telling me that her husband also a good friend had just had a heart attack while up skiing. I was in real shock, as this friend has always been active and in good shape. Not to mention ten years younger than us. Thankfully the drugs have been working dissolving the clots in his vessels. He had 30% blockage, very scary. He will stop smoking cigarettes, let's hope it goes well, as most of us know how hard it is to quit smoking. He's coming home today after being in the hospital for several days. We wish him well, also to his wife, and daughter who have had a rough week also.

Getting My Room Back!

We have a beautiful home that we built many years ago. The "downstairs" never got finished due to our having all of our junk stored there while we finished the rest of the house. So this space has been filled with piles of projects, and stuff that we haven't even seen in years. You know, that one item that we might need some day, then when we do need it we can't find it so we end up going out to buy another one anyway....
Well, I don't know what is different with my thoughts, motivation or whatever I'm feeling, but I like it. I've been going through this junk and throwing it out with vigor, how empowering this activity is. It's funny to go through and see these things that at one time I thought were so very important to keep. This morning I started smelling a bad smell. So I'm taking a break and playing on the computer before I go investigate any more. Last week, I saw a mole lumber by. So I know that critters have been living down here, they'll have to move back outside.

The Donna....

I just finished watching Donna The Buffalo a group that performed at Schooner Wharf down in Key West Florida. I love our fast connection, streaming video from webcams are very cool.
Here I sit with it snowing and cold, approximately 7 to 8 inches of snow outside, and I'm watching the concert goers wearing sandals and tank tops outside in Florida.
My sister in law and her husband are groupies and told me of the concert today. It was fun, but I definitely need to improve on my computer speakers. It was fun also that I felt like I was partying with them.
I even saw them on the web camera, coolness.

Bye....

Today is the last day that I'm able to visit with my kids with all of us together, actually we'll do the airport stuff tomorrow, laundry and packing today. My son has to fly back, but my daughter lives not too far away, we don't get together very much, because of distance and work/school schedules. They have been in and out visiting with all of their friends that are also home for the holidays. It has just been wonderful having them home over the last few weeks, so we could all be together, but all good things must come to an end. Where did that saying ever come from, I hate it!
My kids aren't really kids anymore, they are grown and both living on their own, but they will always be kids to me. Otherwise I'd be old right?
They have chosen such different paths from each other, but are very close and I'm really happy about that. It's a good feeling knowing that they will be there for each other. They have both been making smart decisions and choices in their lives and I'm so very proud of them both.
When a family is in the early stages of growing, and everyone is busy with sports, lessons, concerts, and contests, stop occasionally to look at how wonderful your family is. I have wonderful memories, and am still making memories. I just wish that we could be together always, not just for visits.
I like that my husband and I are back to just the two of us, but I do miss the kids being around all of the time. This empty nest syndrome sucks
sigh.....

Happy 2005

Happy New Year. I've been reading blogs for some time now, but decided to creat my own so I wouldn't be anonymous in my comments any longer, and to get some comments of my own as well.
It's an interesting thought as I write this, how I present different sides of my personality and how various friends and family that may be reading this may stand in judgement. So I say to you don't judge, just listen to my thoughts if you're interested, and respond so that I may listen to your thoughts. I'm very happy to be able to have a blog that I can reach out to so many people and hear viewpoints around the world.
More later, I'm starting my diet today......